Defiance

I'm so f-ing tired. I spent the whole day climbing up and down a mountain, literally, mostly while barefoot. I had very little to eat, even less to drink. I'm exhausted, i'm bruised all over and i'm ready to collapse.

So, why am i writing?

Every action must have purpose, even this one. I am writing to prove a point--not only to prove a point through what i write, but prove it by the act of writing itself. If i take into account the conditions i've stated above, coupled with the facts that i have no drive whatsoever to be writing anything, and honestly, nothing really to write about, then practicality/logic/natural tendencies would imply that i should already be asleep on my bed. But no, i'm here in front of my computer, punching little black keys in the hope of writing something coherent.

I write to protest. I write to exercise my freedom. I write in defiance of my present condition. This is, according to Frankl, Man's Ultimate Freedom. I am not governed by my surroundings. My actions are not determined by the environment. I'll live and die in a manner entirely of my choosing. I choose, in spite of everything else. That, above all, makes a man free.


...
Excuse me while i die of exhaustion.

Cloudy

I look up at the sky and see nothing but gray. Clouds obscure my vision, the sun does not shine. The world has lost its color. I see no vividness in my surroundings. Everything is just gray.

There were times when i was most happy in cloudy weather, the time when others would feel depressed. (I've always found it interesting how moods are affected by the weather.) I found the sun oppressive and unrelenting. I would curse my unfortunate location on the globe. I was tempted to shut myself in my nice, comfy house. (Un)fortunately, men were not made to live such a life.

We are creatures of the day, after all. We are beings of light. As i grew, so did my understainding. Evolution, if you believe in it, has adapted us to function in daylight. We're to move in the day, work in the day, play and talk and eat in the day. So i learned to love daylight and sunshine, wonderful dawns and sunsets when the sun looks like a molten coin in the sky. I craved sunlight and i breathed it in. The sun gives me life as it does the Earth. With it, i clearly see the world around me.

Not today, though. Today, there's no sun. The reds are not as red, the world is not as beautiful.

Somewhere, the sun is shining. I hope, in time, it will shine on me again.

When I'm worthy.